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Back on the Grind

Oh gosh. The pressure. The fall semester of teaching is about to start, so naturally I dreamt that a student assaulted me in the class via asphyxiation. I have since been diagnosed by my facebook friends as nervous, paranoid, sexually repressed, and ummm kinky. The best choice is probably to think about when vacation starts instead and of course booze.

I must cheat on my precious tequila this weekend and go the vodka route. Stoli Elit has come to me from the breath of the liquor pixies.

My Amazon order has also come to me, including my new copy of Great Short Short Stories: Quick Reads by Great Writers. I know I know I’m supposed to boycott Amazon and only shop at independents, but mine is 45 minutes away! and they aren’t that well stocked. My new mid-year’s resolution is to read a new short story every day…FOREVER! What better way to get in the habit than really short stories. I’m going to begin with Kafka’s “A Country Doctor.” I always judge a story by its first and last line before I actually read it. This is Kafka’s first and last:

“I was in a most awkward predicament….Having obeyed the false ringing of the night bell just once—the mistake can never be rectified.”

Hmmmm…there is some interest there. I personally enjoy a more ferocious prose, but we can’t all be Toni Morrison or Donald Barthelme. Thank the liquor pixies for that.

Ha the next story is by Rudyard Kipling titled “Wee Willie Winkie ‘An officer and a gentleman’”, you know I will be disappointed if it turns out to not be gay porn. Kipling did write the Jungle Book, so the gay porn isn’t totally out of the question.  I’ll be back soon!!!

Blurbs

OK, just bought Sarah Silverman’s memoir, The Bedwetter, and it’s kind of awesome.  All I have read is the jacket so far and she had me with the praise from Diego, age 2.5 that says, “I want juice.”

This inspired me to post the blurbs for a novel exerpt I workshopped some 3 years ago (gosh) I’ve been working on that thing for a long time.  I’m not working on it now though.  I’m in a perpetual state of “eff that” at the moment.  The blurbs are below.  Enjoy.

Praise for Venita Blackburn’s Who’s Afraid of the Pussy Monster 

 

“Shameful.  Where is the pain, the murky terror of truth that a writer or otherwise must devote one’s full girth to until there is nothing but that which is unspeakable, that which is most evil and that which is the purest blessing of all?  This?  This is tripe, cold as a Thursday and thankfully not as long.”

-Toni Morrison

“Although it is a rare and violent thing for a person with my sensibilities, I think she could have made me laugh.

-James Baldwin

“Marry me!  Don’t tell my wife.”

-George Saunders

“Terrific!  Here is a writer with mountainous calm and patience in life and an unrelenting, hysterical voice on the page.  The words are pleasant and surprising like finding loose change, fragrant as bubble gum in the cushions of a sofa.  Better still, somebody else’s sofa.  She is an everyday delight.”

-Aimee Bender

“Not in my book club.”

-thus saith the Oprah

“You, Venita Blackburn, should marry me, David Foster Wallace, and feel free, not bound or hindered, to tell my wife, person that deserves no proper name, if you, Venita Blackburn, want to talk about it, the marriage.”

-David Foster Wallace

“I’m award winning.  I’m British.  I’m beautiful.  What the fuck else matters?”

-Zadie Smith

“I believe I should live a few more years in hopes that this will pass.”

-Gabriel Garcia Marquez

“Dark.  Unflinching.  It stays with me.”

-Renee Simms

“Where do you come up with this stuff?”

-T.M. McNally

“I love the Pussy Monster.”

-Beth Staples

“I was confused about the celibacy.”

-Paul Tunis

“I like that scene of the man buying tampons.”

-Aimee Baker

“disturbing and well done, although a bit hard to picture.”

-Liz Wimberly

“Greatest masturbation scene of all time.  Dear Jeebus.  What a sense of urgency.  (2nd place-The Land Before Time)”

-Robby Taylor

“I know that took a lot out of you, tahehe.”

-Marqueshia Wilson

“Big deal.”

-Aaron Velasquez